age gap

Yesterday afternoon we held our session and gave our lectures and, after the conference closed for the day, my group decided to blow off some steam by going out for dinner. Do you know what makes someone in her mid-40s feel her age when going out with a group of 30-somethings?

It wasn't the decision to go on after dinner to a bar for dancing (I was in complete agreement).

It wasn't that I was the only woman not wearing skinny jeans and a sparkly top (my LBD is suitable for any venue).

It wasn't that I was the only one with a bag, and had to put the other women's purses and lip-gloss in it (I always carry a camera so I always have a bag).

It wasn't that I was the only one to have enough cash for the cab-ride back to the hotel at 3am (that just makes good sense).

It wasn't the young-feller-me-lads swarming round the other women like bees round a honeypot (I got hit on twice myself).

It was the music.  I had already danced to 99% of the tracks which were played during their first lifetimes - as a teenager back in the 80s, while most of the group I was with were still in their nappies...

carbon off-set

I am going to have to make a sizeable contribution to a carbon off-set charity this year, as I once again boarded a plane and took off into the London sky.  This time, I have landed here, home of the Braves:

trick or treat

Tonight, in a fancy restaurant deep in the heart of London's Soho, my friends and I saw something that shocked us. Four young children, the oldest not more than eight or nine, came in trick-or-treating. They were on their own and it was obvious that there wasn't an adult outside waiting for them. The staff were in a dilemma, clearly they didn't want to send the kids back out onto the street but they also couldn't have them trick-or-treating the customers. In the end someone whom we presumed was the manager took the kids to the back and I guess she must have tried to find out how to contact the parents. My friends and I left pretty soon afterwards so I don't know what happened in the end.
I honestly do try not to judge others, but I couldn't help it this evening. Why would you think that it was a good or safe idea to let a kid do that?
Even now I still can't stop myself from thinking that sometimes the wrong people get to be parents.

un-captcha'd

Finally remembered to take captcha off my blog - thank you for the prompt, Tireegal!

I aten't ded

Last week I briefly met a man at a work thing.  It was just a quick "hello, nice meeting you", hand-shake and move on type of thing and I am never likely to meet him again.  In fact, I can't be sure I remember his name correctly as I met a lot of people at this event, in a short space of time.  I just mention it because for the first time since A left, I looked at someone and thought "gosh" and felt a teeny, tiny flutter of interest.

It's nice to know that I'm still alive under the layers of hurt, confusion, fat and unflattering clothing I've been covered with for the last 18 months.

predictably...

...and yet I failed to predict it. Today I posted a couple of photos I took of baby L yesterday on FB. And got a host of (thankfully private) messages congratulating me on the birth of my daughter. Even though I had tagged my cousin on the photos. So now I have to reply to them all and say "actually...". My fault, I should have thought it through properly. I am an idiot!

mixed emotions

Yesterday afternoon my uncle died. He was my mother's brother and also my father's best friend. He used to call me (among other, more rude, names) his "other daughter". He had a good life with not a single day sick until 3 months ago when he was diagnosed with cancer. He died peacefully at home with his family and for that I am truly grateful. But it still hurts that he's gone.
But in the midst of it all we heard that my cousin from the other side of my family gave birth to her first baby last night. She's in the maternity unit of the hospital where I work and where I was for my pregnancy with Tilly. This morning I went to see them and I was the first person other than her parents to hold this new life. Less than 12 hours old and already baby L looks like her mother, which means she looks a little like me. Baby L's father is caucasian, like A, so I really had no trouble imagining what Tilly would have been like. In fact I've had trouble stopping.
I am beyond happy for my cousin. But I am so sad that my uncle has gone and that my daughter died before I could hold her and say "I am your mummy".
Today is 15th October: