Some day I am going to stop sweating the small stuff. However, that day is not today:
1) It was Mother's Day in the UK two Sundays ago. I stayed away from In Yer F@cebook and TV but then my dad picked the place we took my mother to. And it was the place we went to five years ago, when A and I told my parents that I was pregnant with Starchild.
2) Earlier that same weekend I got sick. Nothing big, just a virus which I am pretty much over apart from the lingering hacking cough which keeps me awake at night.
3) My boss and I are short-listing for new part-time post, whoever gets the job will be working very closely with me. They are also meant to take some of the pressure off me by being available to take half of the extra-long days (once a month I work a 7.30am-9.30pm day, while my usual hours are 8-5.30 three days a week and 7.30-5 the other two). However, the candidate my boss favours has already said that she won't be able to work later than 3.30 because of childcare issues.
4) Grumble, grumble, whine, moan :-)
Tuesday, 19 March 2013
Friday, 1 March 2013
There have been a couple of great blog posts this week about comments that those of us going through infertility, and those of us who are living without children, face. You can read them here on Mali's blog and here on Life Without Baby.
It does get easier to bear, with the passage of time, although I still aspire to point three on Mali's list, and I now am able to bat the "why don't/didn't you just adopt" with "why didn't/don't you?" As these comments are always made by people I know well enough, I know I'm not committing my own thoughtless blunder.
However, last week I was completely blindsided by this comment, from someone I had just met that evening (a stay-at-home mother of two): "so what are you going to do to contribute to society, then?"
I was too taken aback by this to answer and stepped away from the conversation saying that was sorry but I just had to go and talk to so-and-so before they left.
What I wish I had had the presence of mind to say was that I contribute fine to society, thank you. I have a job in medical research which enables me to pay tax - which in turn enabled her to have two lots of year-long maternity leave and now gives her children child benefit, free schooling, free library services, free travel on London Transport until age 14 and a host of other taxpayer funded services. And I'm doing this without any quid pro quo as I will never claim any of the above list for my own children. (I also pay National Insurance which gives her and her children free health care, but of course this I also use myself!).
What would you have said?
It does get easier to bear, with the passage of time, although I still aspire to point three on Mali's list, and I now am able to bat the "why don't/didn't you just adopt" with "why didn't/don't you?" As these comments are always made by people I know well enough, I know I'm not committing my own thoughtless blunder.
However, last week I was completely blindsided by this comment, from someone I had just met that evening (a stay-at-home mother of two): "so what are you going to do to contribute to society, then?"
I was too taken aback by this to answer and stepped away from the conversation saying that was sorry but I just had to go and talk to so-and-so before they left.
What I wish I had had the presence of mind to say was that I contribute fine to society, thank you. I have a job in medical research which enables me to pay tax - which in turn enabled her to have two lots of year-long maternity leave and now gives her children child benefit, free schooling, free library services, free travel on London Transport until age 14 and a host of other taxpayer funded services. And I'm doing this without any quid pro quo as I will never claim any of the above list for my own children. (I also pay National Insurance which gives her and her children free health care, but of course this I also use myself!).
What would you have said?
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