I bit the bullet and asked the wonderful Mel to move my blog from the "general infertility" room to the "child-free living" section of her amazing blogroll.
It may not sound like much, but it was.
The next step will be to give away the pregnancy books and the maternity clothes from my first two pregnancies. That is going to have to wait a while though. I want them out of the house, but I'm not strong enough yet to retrieve them from where we hid them after Bean died.
I guess it's really true. I'm never having children.
"A Place of Greater Safety" by Hilary Mantel
18 hours ago
Oh, Illanare.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds huge.
I'm so, so so sorry.
What you said on my blog? the same goes. I have so many of your posts marked unread in google reader, because I haven't got the words. But I'm thinking about you too, and I wish I could make things better for you.
It's not fair that life has forced you down this path.
I wish things could have been different for you.
xx
HUGS
ReplyDeleteOh sweetie...I truly hope this is not the case. Not that it'll be the end of the World to be living child-free, but I know you don't want this. So I hope you will find a different solution, maybe it'll take time, but it can still happen. Love (lots of it) your way, Fran
ReplyDeleteI'm at loss for words. I didn't think you were ready.
ReplyDeleteHolding your hand and sending you strength to do what you need to do.
Oh dear Illanare,
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. This is a big deal and I am so sorry you have to go this route.
It sounds like doing this is an act of closure, but I guess selfishly I am not ready for that for you. If we could wish you with children you would so have them.
Sending so many hugs your way.
I'm sorry I have not commented for a while. I wanted to say that the counseling ( as your other readers said) sounds perfectly normal. It's not like going to the doctor for an antibiotic- it's more like gouging out your wounds and watching them heal.
I hope you both are able to stick it out and if in the end you don't stay together that the process will give you more strength and confidence.
My heart aches for you - you are such a cool lady, I don't want this to be the end for you. But of course if that is what it is, I will support you as child free and be there for you. If it's too hard to read preggo blogs I get that too.
(((HUGS)))
There are no words that I can or could say right now that would take away the pain you're feeling....I know this because when I have made this decision (which I have made SEVERAL times now), I was hoping that someone would come out with some miracle healing words that would make me feel better, fine, at peace with my decision...they never came.
ReplyDeleteBeing moved catergories is HUGE, it's a public statement that means you just may not be getting your dream, something so heartaching to even contemplate not even admit.
I want you to know that I've made this decision, the decision to live Childfree, at least 3 times now and yet my heart keeps dragging me back (I'm currently waging a war against it as we speak, it's a determined lil F@#ker that won't give up) and so I guess what I'm saying is be prepared to possibly walk to and fro between the two, trying and no longer - I believe it's perfectly normal.
Big hugs my friend and know that I'll be here holding your hand regardless of your decision.
xxxxxx
ugh. this post breaks my heart. it really does. infertility and pregnancy loss suck. i wish there was something i could do to help you through this horrible time.
ReplyDeleteSending big hugs your way. It is a huge move. I hope you can find peace in all of this. It just is so hard.
ReplyDeleteI hope you find peach with your decision and follow your heart. I'm thinking about you.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry. I can't imagine what you are going through and how hard this must be. You are doing this with such grace and dignity, and I am moved by it. I'm so sorry that this is happening.
ReplyDelete