Last weekend was quite the challenge with Significant Other in his lowest mood to date. It was a glorious couple of days weatherwise, so last Saturday I went out elephant-spotting again. But a couple of hours into it, Significant Other called me home because he had had an anxiety attack. And when I got home all we did was argue (apparently I drive him bonkers, what with one thing and another).
Sunday was a little better as we drove over to my parents' and baked in their lovely garden and ate delicious mother-cooked food.
And then on Monday there was this little, tiny, blink-and-you-would-have-missed-it mood change. I held my breath...
We had our 6th therapy appointment on Wednesday during which Significant Other said that he was beginning to feel a little less despairing about the future and a little bit more able to look forward to things. After the appointment we walked for a bit, went and had a drink in a pub, walked a bit more, stopped to have dinner, walked a bit more and then got the bus home. All the while, I held my breath and hoped I did or said nothing which would bring the mood down.
Since then things have been getting a teeny, tiny bit lighter each day.
I know that the landscape of depression is marked with peaks and troughs, and that Significant Other still has some way to go, and that moods can turn on a sixpence.
But right now I am taking as much care as I can of that little candle-flicker of hope.
Other's or Aunties' Day
8 hours ago
I can't imagine being on your side of it. When you said that you came home because he was having a panic attack, it really made me think. That must be so hard for you. You seem to be such a strong person. My husband is strong, and he has gotten used to my depression and panic attacks over the years. But I often think about if the roles were reversed, and how I would handle it. I honestly don't know. My husband has the ability to let things just bounce off of him, but I know I'm not like that. It would really affect me.
ReplyDeleteI'm proud of you. It must be so hard watching someone that you love go through this. And you are so right...there are peaks and valleys in depression. But just the fact that he was able to get a little bit better means something, even if he goes back to feeling the way that he did. Little signs of hope mean everything in the depression game. It's when there is never any good that things get really scary.
I don't know what to say. Just that I am sorry, and it must be so hard to go through what you are going through. You are such a good, kind person. And you are strong, too.
i'm so, so glad.
ReplyDeleteand i'm not sure whether to say this or not, really.
but who is taking care of you?
who is on tenterhooks, worrying about how you are?
it sounds like you are alone in this and that noone is looking out for you.
i just worry. i know he's depressed and that that's an illness, but you are dealing with an awful lot too. and someone should be looking after you.
hugs. i hope you take this kindly as it is meant. i don't want to criticise him, i just wish i could make it ok for you.
A flicker of hope. That is wonderful news.
ReplyDeleteI hope you two can find each other again and help each other out of this dark time. Remember, one day at a time :)
Lots of love!