stuff

Monday - not a good day.  After crying for 3 hours solid I forgot I am a 42-year-old independent, professional woman and phoned my mummy.  She came over and spent most of the day with me, force-feeding me toast and tea and bananas.
Monday was also the day I spent over £200 without going further than the end of my road.  An alarming clacking noise when I had driven the car to the gym on Saturday meant that I had to pay the RAC an extra £69 to upgrade to "home start" and call someone out.  He told me that the brake pads were rusty and slow to respond and the cure for this is to drive the car more. Just to be clear - in order to make my brakes work properly, I have to drive around on rusty and poorly responsive brakes.  I know...
That done, I put in a load of laundry and water came streaming out of the bottom of the washing machine.  The plumber diagnosed not only a broken pipe in the machine, but two more leaks in the kitchen sink plumbing and a broken kitchen tap.  I didn't believe him about the tap until he detached it and showed me where the pipe had a huge hole in it.  I had to run to the plumbing supply shop and buy a new mixer tap (£65) and an hour later the washing machine, leaks and new tap were sorted (£110).

Tuesday was a worse day.  After even less sleep I woke up to find that the plumber had failed to turn on all the water pipes he had turned off the day before.  And instead of going to the airing cupboard and trying all the valves to see which pipes I needed to open, I collapsed into tears.  And rang my dad.
It was at this point I realised that Something Was Amiss, so I went to the GP who signed me off work for 2 weeks and prescribed some anti-depressants and some sleeping pills.  I took the first pill that morning, today was my third dose and I think I already feel a little better.  I have only cried 3 times today, which is huge progress.

Yesterday I went into town to see Lovely Therapist.  I had already sent her a text on Monday morning to cancel our appointment and to tell her that A had left and she suggested I go to see her on my own anyway.  It was a difficult journey in, I had a panic attack half-way there because I realised I was "far" from home / sanctuary.  I had to finish the journey in a cab, but when I got there Lovely Therapist was even more lovely and the session really helped me to start to think about this as a loss (just as you equally lovely people had already told me).  I'm not pathetic or weak or cowardly; I'm grieving.

This morning I put a load of washing into my newly-mended machine and water started pouring out from the bottom.  If this had happened yesterday I think I would have seriously lost it, but instead I just called the plumber back, who told me that clearly the pipe couldn't be fixed and my washing machine was, in technical jargon, kaput.  So today I managed to spend £240 without leaving home and late next week I should have a new washing machine.
And this afternoon, I walked in to the bedroom to find that my darling little cat had been sick.  I've cleaned up and given her a cuddle but she is very subdued, off her food and just doesn't seem quite right.

So, Universe - what next?