The blessed numbness that comes with shock has worn off and I don't know how to cope with this.
I thought I was stronger than this but I have been up since 4.30am (having fallen asleep at 2), just sobbing. I know it's not the end of the world, it is not like A died, he just left.
But - oh hell this hurts. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts.
Other's or Aunties' Day
8 hours ago
i have to disagree. it actually is the end of the world - your world as YOU KNOW IT. no A hasn't died but if he had, you would have closure, there would be a reason for him no longer being in your life, lying next to you in bed at night, being by your side through lifes experiences - but he hasn't and there doesn't seem to be [from outside looking in] a good reason why he's no longer with you.
ReplyDeletedon't expect too much of yourself too quickly. after something like this you're not supposed to cope, you're supposed to fall into the comforting arms of friends and family who will rally around to support you, offer their shoulder for you to lean and cry on and just be there for you no matter the time or day.
you ARE strong. the fact that you typed this saying that you're not says that you are, rather than sit and do nothing, you're reaching out for help, for guidance - for kind words through a screen and love and hugs sent from afar.
i know you probably won't believe it now but you will get through this, you've gotten through so much already and just like you got through all that, you will get through this.
one day at a time, in fact no one moment at a time...
sending you an ocean full of love and as many hugs as you could ever begin to imagine, i only wish they could be in person.
xxxxxxxxx
Oh sweetheart,
ReplyDeleteYou ARE strong, you are so strong, and you will find your strength in time. Of course it hurts. Sometimes righteous anger can help someone get through the really painful first hours, is that something you could do?
Is there anybody nearby you can call? A friend? Family? Someone you can go and stay with who can look after you and give you the love you need right now?
Sending you all the hugs I can manage. I'm so sorry sweetheart. If there is anything I can do just say the word...
Oh beautiful, I wish there was something I could say to make things okay.
ReplyDeleteLike the others have said, you are strong. So very strong.
Sending you all my love honey,
If you ever need to chat, i'm always at the end of an email.
xox
You are in my thoughts and I wish I could give you a big hug. It will get better sweetie, the "in the meantime just sucks"! Keep writing and reaching out to us, and also to your IRL friends. Feeling lost now will lead you a happier, stronger, better life. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteDearest Illanare,
ReplyDeleteYou are a wonderful woman, with a boatload of fans here in blogland. We are pulling for you and cheering you on. I echo what others have so eloquently written above. Keep writing. Reach out for IRLtlc and keep moving one step ahead of the other. Sending you so much love! Do not go to work if you can help it! ((( hugs)))
You are definitely strong enough to handle this - but give yourself permission to grieve, to feel the tremendous loss. Because this is huge, and you don't need to pretend that it's not. We're all behind you. Sending you a hug...
ReplyDeleteI agree with stink-bomb, this is so hard. Nobody would be doing well at this point. Your strength is that you are dealing with this instead of preteneding that you are ok. This just happened so I imagine that the news is still sinking. It must be especially hard as you had been so optimistic when he came from his trip.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could I make your pain go away.
I am sending lots of love and hugs to you.
Oh honey... I'm so sorry.
ReplyDeleteI am so so sorry to hear this...take the time you need to cope because it is like a death - the world you knew with A is gone and that is so hard to swallow. I was so hoping this won't go this way, but you are a strong woman - look at all you have been through and you will get through this too. It just takes time. Big hugs to you, sweetie.
ReplyDeleteDon't be so hard on yourself. Of course you're sobbing and you can't sleep. You're mourning the loss of the relationship that you thought would last a lifetime and all that goes with it. You're mourning the loss of all of the hopes and dreams you had for the two of you.
ReplyDeleteI'm just so sorry you're in such pain.
I am so sorry. Thinking of you during your grieving. Today is a dark day and you have many ahead of you, but remember that it will get better and you will get stronger.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=22zB6Soc2Gk
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ReplyDeleteI just got caught up on your blog, and I'm so sorry to hear this news. Like everyone else said, you are doing exactly what you should be doing, which is grieving. Everyone has a different timetable, so don't rush yourself. I know you have the strength to get through this, and I will support you in any way I can through the computer. Much love your way.
ReplyDeleteI think a loss like that is very similar to death. Give yourself time to heal and sending you tons of hugs!!
ReplyDeleteIt IS a loss, & you need to take all the time you need to grieve. (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry... I know that kind of pain and can feel it in my gut just reading your words. You will survive, time does make it a little easier, just focus on one day at a time and be very good to yourself. Know that you have lots of blog sisters who love you and are here for you.
ReplyDeletelove, inB
I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so, so sorry.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to believe that "this too shall pass" when you have loss upon loss heaped upon you. Please know that I have been thinking of you often from across a continent and a vast ocean (I'm in California). I know you must feel alone right now, but please know that you are not alone. We are here for you. Keep blogging. Keep expressing your feelings. You deserve to be in a happy, light-filled relationship. Like the other commenters, I urge you to turn to your family and IRL friends to support you.
ReplyDeleteMy, I feel so bad for not being able to help or say anything that has not already been said. I just want to let you know that I thinking of you and hoping that somehow you feel better in spite of this difficult trial.
ReplyDelete