It has been a long old week. I'm exhausted but haven't been able to sleep more than 3 hours a night since Sunday.
A (the artist formerly known as Significant Other) has been staying in an hotel nearby and tomorrow morning we are meeting to "talk some things over". I guess that we have a few practical things to sort out - finances, when he will pick up the rest of his stuff, how to divide up the things we have bought together. It's very surreal to be thinking along these lines...
On Sunday A said that it was either leaving or taking anti-depressants. And so he left. He rang me at work this afternoon to say that he had been to see the GP and is now on antidepressants.
I'm very confused.
Anyway.
Tomorrow evening is a big family get-together at my aunt's house. I get to meet my cousin's new month-old baby and another cousin's new man. And on Sunday I'm going to lunch at my parents' house and will tell them the news about A and me.
Heigh-ho.
"A Place of Greater Safety" by Hilary Mantel
18 hours ago
Oh, the mess you have to deal with, I'm sorry! In all of it I struggle to find your voice though. What do you want? Are you done with your relationship or is it worth fighting for?
ReplyDeleteObviously A has things he needs to take care of on his own and get well, but does it have to be permanent?
I wish you peace and happiness and keep sending you lots of hugs!
I'm with CP - what do YOU want? You matter as well and what you want has to come into it. I know you can't force someone to stay in a relationship if they don't want to but it certainly doesn't stop you from putting what you want out into the universe and letting it be known.
ReplyDeleteIf you need to talk, you know where I am....and I'm REALLY looking forward to organising catching up while I'm over...only 10 weeks to go woohoo!!
Big hugs my friend
xxxx
Well, I hope the clarifying chat will bring some clarity, but as I said to you before several times, you cannot live your life at the mercy of someone else who obviously knows you'll be there for him no matter how bad his behaviour is. And don't get me wrong, I understand A is depressed and needs helps, but he's been needing help for a very long time now. I keep you in my heart and wish you happiness and peace. Love, Fran
ReplyDeleteI agree with the other commenters, you need figure out what you want right now. It is so confusing that now he decides to go on medication. I hope the your meeting goes ok as there is so much to talk about for you two. Good luck with the rest of your plans for the weekend, I know it can be over whelming to have to see other people when so much of your life is up in the air.
ReplyDeleteSending love your way.
Sending another virtual HUG. Been thinking about you and wishing I could physically hold your hand and walk with you during this time.
ReplyDeletexoxo
Em
Like the others, I've been thinking about you lately. I hope your "meeting" brings you some clarification and some peace. It is so hard sometimes to determine exactly what it is that will make us happy -- and sometimes, what will make us happy, is not what we expect.
ReplyDeleteSending you much love and hugs,
Jo
Just stopping by to see how you are. It is understandable that you would be confused after he moved out AND went on antidepressants. I will pray that your talk is actually clarifying and not more confusing. Sending you hugs and good energy.
ReplyDeletei'm sorry i haven't commented on this yet.
ReplyDeletei hope meeting up yesterday went ok. and that the party and new-baby weren't too horrendous. and that telling your parents today isn't too awful either...... what a hard weekend you're having!
i hope you're going to start putting yourself first and working out what your priorities are.
take care hon. you know where i am if you need me xx
Ay, what a weekend. My thoughts are with you, hope things weren't terribly awful. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you - try to be good to yourself during this time!
ReplyDeleteI am thinking of you. I hope the meeting went ok.
ReplyDelete