Woke up and everything was normal.
Had coffee.
Cleaned the kitchen.
Made more coffee.
Then he said it was either leaving me or going on anti-depressants.
He'd decided leaving me was the more appealing option.
He packed his bags and he's gone.
What now? What do I do now?
Other's or Aunties' Day
8 hours ago
Fuck. fuck! What the hell? Illanare. I'm so sorry.
ReplyDeleteIs there anyone there for you? I hope you have someone to look after you.
Please let me know if there's anything I can do. If you want to come up here or anything.
I can't believe it. I'm thinking of you.
Ohhh, I am so sorry. ((((HUGS))))
ReplyDeletereally? just like that? what the hell?!
ReplyDeleteknow you are in my thoughts and I eagerly wait to hear how you are doing. Know you have lots of blog sisters here for you.
Was there any warning that he might do something like this? How crazy. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry, my dear. So very sorry. Many many hugs.
ReplyDeleteWhat? I am sitting here with my mouth open. I am so so sorry that you are going through this. I know that he has not been happy and that there is a ton going on for both of you. I am sure your world is spinning. We are here for you no matter what. Sending love your way.
ReplyDeletei keep coming back hoping that this is going to make more sense. how is leaving you more attractive than taking a sodding tablet? that's the most insane reason i can think of for leaving your partner.
ReplyDeletehas he said this is it, he's never coming back, or is it temporary?
i'm so sorry. you know i'm here for you, right? why is everything so hard for everyone right now?
hugs and more hugs xxxxx
I am so sorry. I agree with B and wonder how leaving sounds better to him then taking a tablet. I don't know what to say, only that my heart is breaking for you. I hope that someone is there with you so that you don't have to be alone. I will be thinking about you today and saying a prayer for you. I hope that somehow you are able to find some peace today.
ReplyDeleteOh God, my friend...what can I say? To be honest I thought this was brewing in his mind for a while. You both have been through so much. But I said to you a while ago that you have to be stronger, you cannot keep someone who doesn't want to stay, you have not been happy for a long time. you have been suppressing your emotions and feelings because he couldn't be there for you and that is not right. You will pick yourself up and no matter what, whether he comes back or you find someone else, you have to make your next man respect you a lot because you are a great person and deserve love and kindness. I'm thinking of you, Fran
ReplyDeleteHugs. I feel your pain and i'm so sorry. You have to let him go, there is nothing else you can do. Can you go and stay with a friend or family for a few days? You are strong and you WILL get through this. Dont be on your own. xx
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you have to deal with this emotional roller coaster. I dom't see how he can blame all his bad emotions on somebody other than himself?!? I guess it's not as easy to leave if you know your feelings will actually leave with you... Take good care of yourself and know that there's nothing you can do to change his mind. All you can do is heal yours. Sending you lots of love!
ReplyDeleteWhat? Gone? I know he's been depressed. I'm just sorry he doesn't love himself enough to get help - not just pills, but also talk therapy to go with them.
ReplyDeleteI'm with Fran in that you deserve to be in a relationship with a man who can be there for you and who lets you be there for him.
Know that we are here for you. I do hope that you have some IRL friends and/or family to rely on.
Cry your eyes out, scream at the world, eat a full tub of ice cream. Go for a run. Go have a sauna. Re-arrange your flat. Draw his "face" on an orange and then stab it with a really sharp knife. Do whatever you need to do to get those feelings out!
Are you serious?? That man needs to get on anti-depressants ASAP! If he doesn't, I agree with the other girls - you deserve someone who won't abandon you.
ReplyDeleteUnbelievable! I don't know what else to say. I'm so sorry.
There is so much I want to say but at the same time I won't because it just won't be helpful at this very moment.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe this.
If he thinks leaving you is easier than taking a daily tablet then - and I say this knowing that you WON'T think this right at this very minute but it doesn't make it any less true - you're better off without him, you deserve better and I'd question his love.
I'm off to email you now....reach out for support Illanare, you've got lots of it out there from people oh so willing to give it.
Much love my friend
xxxx
holy shit
ReplyDeleteim so sorry
im here if you want to talk, sometimes bouncing ideas off of someone you hardly know can help.
xoxo
lis
I'm so sorry ... I'm SO very sorry. I truly wish that things could be different ... and I'll be sending positive vibes and BIG hugs your way.
ReplyDelete*sigh*
I am so, so sorry. I wish there were something more I could say. (((HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteAnd, in the middle of this, you stopped by my blog to offer me support? You're an amazing woman. The fool for leaving!
Oh Illanare, when I read this I was filled with sadness for you. I wish there was something more substantial to say other than I am so sorry to hear that. Sending huge amounts of strength and love to pick yourself up and hold your head high, you are a wise, brave woman and you are surely due a flood of good stuff in your life after all your heartbreak. Hope cyberhugs help xxx
ReplyDeleteOh, honey. I have no words. I'll be here with you, though. You are not alone.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Jo
I am so sorry ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteI am so so sorry to hear this. I was shocked when I read your post this morning. Hoping that this is not permanent and maybe he just needs some time away. Sending you love and prayers that you have the strength to come through this no matter what the outcome is. Big ((hugs)).
ReplyDeleteI have no words- just know that I will be thinking of you and am sending hugs.
ReplyDeletexo.
I'm so sorry. The one (controversial) suggestion I have that is not duplicative of all of the wonderful ideas above is to pick up the phone and call his parents. If you had a conversation with them while you were there about how he was depressed, and if he was clearly acting low (which I recall he was), then you might just let them know that, instead of dealing with his issues, he has chosen to move out with no real discussion.
ReplyDeleteIt may not help, but they might be able to talk to him.
Fuck, though, I am really sorry.
Oh. I'm so sorry ... I will hope that this is just temporary, that he needs space, and that you can both heal enough to return to each other. Here in support ...
ReplyDeleteOh, I am so terribly sorry. My thoughts are with you. I can only hope that he comes to his senses, soon.
ReplyDelete(((hugs))))
What??!! Oh my God, I'm so, so sorry! Like so many others, I'm also hoping he just needed some time alone to sort things out and get some much needed help. Hopefully he'll see a doctor about antidepressants, and maybe consider therapy while he's at it.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. I wish I was closer...
((((HUGS))))
I'm so incredibly sorry. Sending you a hug!
ReplyDeleteHere from lfca to say that I'm so very sorry that you're dealing with this. There is a lot of support out here for you, even from strangers! I can't write it on my blog because my family reads it, but we're always just a half-step from this point ourselves. Thinking of you and hoping this leads to a resolution.
ReplyDeletei actually think irrationalexuberance has a really good point about phoning his parents. if of course you feel able to.
ReplyDeletestill thinking of you honey xxx
Heading over from LFCA and I am sorry. Men can be such dick heads.
ReplyDeleteOh my, I am so very very sorry. I can't imagine how you must be feeling, oh my goodness. My heart breaks for you. I am so sorry for what you must be going through and am sending you big hugs.
ReplyDeletei am speechless. illanare, i'm so terribly sorry. i can't believe he left. what a coward. you are a strong, wonderful, amazing woman. i can tell this from reading your blog - can you imagine how your friends IRL feel about you? please hold on tight to this and know that you did NOTHING to deserve this. if he can't cope with the situation the two of you have found yourselves in (through no fault of yours), then perhaps leaving is the best thing for him to do. i know you may not see it this way right now, but this has been torture for you for so long. you deserve so much better.
ReplyDeletei'm thinking of you and wrapping my virtual arms around you.
I've just popped over from LFCA and wanted to send you massive hugs. My heart breaks for you and I am so incredibly sorry, I hope you are surrounded by support in the coming days and I can see you are very much loved from the posts on here. Will be thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteStopping by from LFCA. I am so terribly sorry you are going through this. I'm not even sure what to say. I hope he contacts you so you can at least talk things through.
ReplyDeleteKeeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Take care.
I'm just stopping by to offer virtual hugs. I hope that you're ok.
ReplyDeleteHere from L&F. I am so, so sorry. Sending hugs your way...
ReplyDeleteI am sorry to hear that... It sounds very familiar. My ex H did the same and said the same thing... What's next? take one day at a time and know that no matter what, YOU WILL BE OKAY. HUGS, if you feel like talking please contact me.
ReplyDelete(((hugs))) thinking of you...
ReplyDeleteelaine (lfca)
Oh sweetheart I am so so sorry.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to email you when I get the time.
You know my email if you need to chat.
Wish I was closer to make you lots of tea and give you hugs.
Xx
Here from LFCA. I am so sorry. :( If he thinks it's a choice between taking antidepressants & leaving you, he's got another think coming -- he can run but he can't hide from himself. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteFound you on LFCA. So deeply sorry that you're having to go through this. No words can adequately cushion this devastating blow. But I'm with loribeth: SO will realize, whether immediately or in time, that if depression is his demon, taking off won't chase it away. In fact, I dare say, neither will antidepressants alone, although they certainly make the difficult journey more bearable. Sending (((hugs))).
ReplyDeleteAlso here from LFCA. I am so sorry for everything you are feeling right now. Thinking of you - sending hugs and hoping you find the support you need to get to the other side of this.
ReplyDeleteHere from LFCA - I can't say anything to make this better, but I hope and pray that you get through this.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry. DH and I have gone through some rough patches around fertility treatments (when I've been on tons of hormones) and he has threatened to leave (and has walked out the door), but he never packed bags or been gone for more than an hour.
ReplyDeleteLife is tough; you deserve someone who will be your rock and support you through all the hardship that fate throws you.
Thinking of you.