So on Saturday morning, almost a week since we broke up, A and I met to talk things through.
He told me that:
he had made a mistake
he had been to the GP and got anti-depressants and started them straight away
he loves me
he wanted to come home and hoped that I would forgive him for the hurt he had caused me and would take him back
I told him that:
things cannot go on the way that they had been
we need to make a lot of changes in our relationship and our lives
I felt strongly that we should each write down what we wanted to change about ourselves, each other and "us" - a "relationship charter" if you will
that he had indeed hurt me dreadfully
that there can be no more sword of Dam0cles - if he packs his bags again, he would not be able to unpack them here again.
And we are back together.
It feels...almost new. A is more loving and considerate of me than he has been since we lost Starchild. He is taking his antidepressants with hardly any complaints about the side effects. We are being gentle with each other.
Thank you, all of you, for your support over the past week. I truly don't know how I would have coped without you.
"A Place of Greater Safety" by Hilary Mantel
18 hours ago
Oh wow - just wow. I'm so proud of you for standing up for yourself and forcing change. I love the idea of a relationship charter. Have you two been to therapy together? It could really help, especially as you create your "relationship charter" and create this new form of relationship with each other.
ReplyDeleteAnd no - there can no longer be threats of leaving, or actual leaving. It's too unstable of a way to live. So incredibly happy for you!
I wish you so, so much luck. I really hope this is a turning point for you both.
ReplyDeleteIt's the thing about trying to run from your problems. You can't. Wherever you go, there you are. I found that out the hard way a few times. I wish A luck with that.
But I wish you luck, and strength, and every good thing.
i'm glad you've been able to tell him what you need. i hope the two of you can make it work. it sounds like you can. it'll be hard, but i think you both know that.
ReplyDeletesending hugs. and i'm still here if you need me. xxxxx
Here's to new beginnings for you both. I hope you can continue to work this out and that he continues to heal and stay on his medications. I know you guys have a lot to work on, but I really hope you can make it!!
ReplyDeleteGreat news!! Super strong of you to take charge and make changes. Wishing lots of Love and happiness!
ReplyDeleteI am wishing the two of you all of the support I can from far away. I hope that this new start is just what you need.
ReplyDeleteKudos to you for standing up for yourself, too!
sending hugs and love...
ReplyDeleteA good friend of mine's wife kept threatening to divorce him for all sorts of relatively minor things. I think it was probably the 250th time she threatened this he took her up on the offer. She was shocked, to say the least, and he's never looked back. He's happy as a clam these days.
ReplyDeleteI hope you never get to the 250th situation, and I hope A doesn't test the waters. Sounds like you are off to a good re-start. Know I'm sending you lots of good luck vibes!
Oh *Yay*.....just *Yay*
ReplyDeletexxxxxxx
Oh, I'm glad to hear this. As you said, you both have some work to do, but it's a good start! All the best for the future!
ReplyDeleteloving this, and hoping it stays new. i have been there. you are still aching but hopeful, and out of the mess you two will emerge even stronger, as people and as a couple.
ReplyDeletelove to you
xoxo
I can't even begin to tell you how happy all this makes me. I think the way you handled the meeting was absolutely awe-inspiringly incredible, and right now I'm sitting here thinking you're all kinds of fabulous.
ReplyDeleteI understand that it's a long road, but I am hoping for happiness for you at the end of it.
Oh, that's just wonderful news. Wishing you guys all the best!
ReplyDeleteThat is wonderful! i loved what you said and delighted things are changing. I hope the desire for a child will also be re-explored and I can't stop telling you how much I want you to be truly happy. Love, Fran
ReplyDeleteI'm really glad to hear that, Illanare, and glad to hear how strong you were. Here's wishing you a strong and healthy relationship that reflects both of your need to move forward. I'm so happy for you that this dreadful week is over and that A has come to his senses - dark night of the soul over and step into the light again xxxx
ReplyDelete((Big hug))
ReplyDeleteI'm glad A is getting some help and that you are setting the boundaries to protect yourself. It's so good that you're being gentle with one another at this time - sometimes a break-up like this can be a very healthy thing...Mr. Hatter and I had a break-up 3 years into our relationship and it really did change things for the better. Sending you lots of healing energy.
Love,
Maddy
What wonderful news. I am hoping and praying that all will be well from now on and that the joy you both get to experience from that will be very healing. So very happy for you.
ReplyDeleteJust catching up on your news (no internet over the weekend). All I have to say is "Wow" (very American of me, I know).
ReplyDeleteI hope that this incident opens up true dialogue between you. IF is a monster and is so stressful. You two need to be in the same camp and will need to once you are parents together.
Wishing you all the best,
Jem
I had missed this post, and I had to read back to find out when you two had gotten back together. I am so happy for you, and after reading your more recent posts about having hope and feeling happier, I think this is a very good thing.
ReplyDelete