crumbling

28th April 2008 we lost Starchild. It was the worst day of our lives, and both Significant Other and I were the saddest we had ever been. A week later, I was still crying a lot and Significant Other, in his own pain, told me that he couldn't face my sadness and was thinking of leaving me.

My tears dried instantly and he never saw me cry again until February 6th 2009 when we lost Bean. Mindful of what had happened less than a year before, I was careful, after that first outburst of pain, not to let him see me sad. Not when I didn't respond as well to the IVF drugs as expected, not when I miscarried for a third time on Christmas Eve, not even when my beloved grandmother died.

In retrospect, I might not have been as wise as I thought.

On Sunday morning, Significant Other woke up and said he was leaving. That he no longer wants to be in this relationship. And he packed his bags.

I crumbled. The held-back tears of two years' unremitting pain started to flow, as did the held-back words. I now don't remember exactly what I said, but whatever it was it has bought me some more time and Significant Other is still here, at least for now. What's more, he agreed to see someone and we have an appointment with a councellor at Rel@ate on Wednesday evening.

Please let this help. I can't lose three children and their father, I just can't.