m.i.a...

...my blogging and commenting mojo, that is.

I've been a bad blogger lately and a terrible commenter (although I do try to leave a pebble when I don't have words - thank you, Miss Ruby!).  Truth be told I seem to have misplaced my zest for life in general recently.  I hope I can get it back soon but in the meantime I'm still interested in what is going on in all your worlds :-)

the importance of names

I have been thinking about writing this post for weeks now but (for reasons I find very difficult to explain) I have felt shy of doing so.  But then I was encouraged by two awesome women (from here and here) so have found the courage.

Doing a very quick search on the world's premier online market place (UK site) I found that there are at least 1,265 books of baby names.  You can get books of "unusual" names, Armenian names, Gaelic names, saints' names.  You can get bumper books, little books, greatest books, modern books.  But mostly you get the idea -  the naming of children is a very important matter.

A and I never knew Starchild's gender but I believed at the time and later (when pregnant with Bean) was convinced that he was a boy.  So in our hearts we gave our son a name: Zachary Joseph MySurname.

We found out for sure that Bean was a girl only after she had died (we hadn't wanted to know at  my 12-week scan).  Her name is Matilda Tui MySurname.

We never got that far with our Little Stars so they will always have to remain nameless.

Zachary Joseph, Matilda Tui, Little Stars.  "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living my baby you'll be."

in the paper today

From The Guardi@n today: The lonely pain of miscarriage.  A heartfelt and open story (though some of the comments are heartless and unthinking).

four candles

I think we all know that this ALI community we are part of is amazing.  I know that we all support and find support here.  I know that I have "met" some wonderful women and I know that I would not have made it through so much of these past 12 months without you all.

I know all of these things but I was still amazed and moved beyond words when I got an email to tell me about this.

These are for my babies.

Jenn - thank you.  It means more than I can say.

punched

This afternoon A was doing a back-up of all our photos and videos, clicking on the odd one now and then as he went.  Before I could stop him, he clicked open an untitled video he took of me in early April 2008 at the top of the Sk.y T0wer in Auckl@nd.  It's quite an ordinary video, I'm just walking on the glass floor and staring down.  But it's the commentary.  A is talking to Starchild-in-the-future, saying "there's mummy, isn't she pretty?"

It punched us both in the stomach.

versatile

The awesome InBetween gave me this award (thank you so much!):

The rules are simple - link back to the person who gave you the award, write down seven things about yourself and pass along the award to seven bloggers you enjoy reading.

So, seven things about me.

1. I hate shoe-shopping.  Hate it.  Apart from my C0nverse All-St@rs, I have 3 pairs of shoes (2x flat black pumps, 1x flat red pumps).  But I love boots.  I have 9 pairs (not including walking boots) and am always on the look-out for more.  Hmmm...boots...
2. I think I am addicted to diet c0ke.  I drink at least 2 cans a day, often more. It was harder for me to give it up when I was pregnant / in the 2ww than it was for me to give up coffee or alcohol.
3. The last time I wore make-up was in 2006 for my cousin's wedding, and I had to buy it all new then because the time before that was 1995 when I was a bridesmaid at the wedding of my BFF.
4. Misuse of apostrophes make me cross, which I know is snooty and unreasonable but still. It makes me cross!
5. I am very forgetful, if I don't write it down then it may as well not have happened.  My friend Too tells me that makes me a good person to borrow money from.  She may be right, I have no memory of ever having lent her any...
6. I also have no sense of direction.  I once got lost on a straight road (seriously).
7. I love sparkly things.

And now to pass on to fellow bloggers.  This award has been going around a lot lately so I apologise if you have already been nominated:
Alex at Alex's Adventures
Jen at Life in Our 40s
B at non geordie mum
Ruby at The Miss Ruby
CGD at Adventures in Infertility Land

(I know that doesn't make seven!)

different world

I sometimes (*cough*) think about What Might Have Been.  I wonder what our life would be like if I hadn't lost Starchild and he (we didn't know if Starchild was a boy but I was convinced) was going to celebrate his 2nd birthday next month.

Or what our life would be like if we hadn't lost Bean and we had a 15-month old daughter lighting up our days.

Or what if we hadn't lost both our Little Stars in December and we would be currently sleep-deprived and ankle deep in the nappies.

I've fallen a bit in love with the many worlds theory lately because it says that somewhere there are universes where all of those things are real.