The abyss remains unstared at, but we are going away for a long weekend tomorrow and the plan is to spend some time thinking and talking about what to do next.
But it's really for Significant Other to decide what he wants to do, because I already know.
I'm not ready to give up on treatment yet.
I'm not ready to give up on trying to have a child, build a family.
I'm not ready to face the pain and emptiness and - well - despair that decision will bring.
I'm not ready to give up on trying to give my parents a grandchild.
I'm not ready to give up on the dream of some day in the future possibly having a grandchild of my own.
I'm not ready to watch Significant Other battle with the twin demons of facing a life without children, or making a life with someone else.
I am not ready to not pick up the pieces of myself and remake them into someone who will never be a mother.
I'm not ready. Not yet.
Other's or Aunties' Day
8 hours ago
((((((Hugs))))).
ReplyDeleteI'm not ready either.
When you're ready to move forward, I'll be here rooting you on.
Thinking of you,
Jo
Sending love...
ReplyDeleteI think it is good that you are not ready yet. I am thinking about you.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy your long weekend.
ReplyDelete((HUGS))
oh Illanare, I hope your husband wants what you want.
ReplyDeleteI hope the weekend isn't too tortuous for you.
I hope that you are able to find understanding between yourselves.
(((HUGS)))
sending love to you because I honestly do not know what else to do-- this is so painful.
ReplyDeleteI just want you to get what you want, Illanare, I really do.
thinking of you and hoping you can move forward toward that goal together.
xo
Kate