two months in one post

I am a bad blogger for leaving two months between posts, but I'm going to try to make up for it with what may become a behemoth of a post... Apologies in advance :-)

Okay, let's start with something the BFG texted to me a few weeks ago.  "Your blog is rubbish when you're happy" he said.  And I have been very, VERY happy.

S and I did the usual couple-in-love type things for the first two weeks in October: had meals out, had long comfy evenings in, endless chats on the phone on the evenings we didn't see each other and were basically nauseating.

I had the last two weeks in October off work, so S took the same fortnight off and we had a week in London being tourists in our own city.  It was brilliant, we did things that we never really take the time to do: walks on Primrose Hill, the cinema in the afternoon, one day I went to S's place and he made massive margaritas and an equally huge lunch and insisted that I did nothing but partake of both.  The second week we went to Cornwall and stayed a couple of days with my friends and the rest of the week with his sister.  That was slightly less idylic as his sister is a bit of a challenge, but it was still lovely.

A couple of weeks after coming home from Cornwall I went to America for a work conference and in the five days I was away I got one text and zero other communication from S.  He's not a big fan of the digital world so I shrugged it off.  When I came home (on a Monday), he blew off our date (planned for the Tuesday) and suggested Friday, but I was busy the rest of that week with work events so we didn't see each until the weekend after I got home.  And things were strained, but S denied that there was anything wrong.

Things lurched along until Tuesday of this week when we had a rather odd conversation.  Firstly, S announced that he was bored, then told me how much he fancies a tv actress with small breasts because "I do like small breasts" (I'm somewhat generously endowed).  And finally he admitted that he hasn't felt passionate about anyone since his last long-term partner.

And this morning he told me that he no longer fancies me and that he isn't in love with me.  So we broke up.

And now I am once again crying into a vat of hot chocolate and watching "Gilmore Girls".  This hurts so much.

bumpy

I return to blogland after a two month absence to be all whiney. I am surrounded by baby bumps.  One cousin, two friends and FIVE colleagues.
When does it stop hurting? Does it ever stop hurting?

mushy

I'm sure that this will come as a huge shock to you all (!) but I'm in love with S. I know, you didn't see that coming did you..?
He loves me too, by the way. In fact he said it first :-D
And that's enough mush for one post (*runs away blushing*)

three little words

On Saturday S said those three little words that every woman, no matter how independant, modern or cynical she is or pretends to be, wants to hear:

"I'll cook dinner"

:-)

canvas storage boxes

There is now a canvas storage box under my bed and it currently contains S's spare glasses, a book, a jumper, spare shaving gear and a clean pair of socks.  My kitchen cupboard now contains a sweetener dispenser and I make sure that I have fresh milk in the fridge.

Under S's bed is another canvas storage box (2-for-1 offer, how serendipitous) containing my spare glasses, spare contacts, spare set of migraine meds, spare phone charger and, charmingly, a couple of tampons.  His kitchen now houses a jar of raw cane sugar and ground coffee.

And I am not freaking out - get me!  :-)

learning

After my freak-out on this blog about that little blip with S two weeks ago, I decided that I would learn from past mistakes and just let it go when S contacted me the night of our aborted lunch date.  We have seen each other a number of times in the past fortnight and each time has been lovely.  Loveliest of all was this past Friday.  It was one of those spontaneous evenings which end up being great fun.  S was meeting me close to my work for a drink, my friend Indie Nurse tagged along for a swift half while waiting for her boyfriend to meet her.  When said boyfriend arrived we all had another couple of drinks and the laughter and conversation was flowing so well that we moved on to a nearby restaurant for dinner.

S stayed Friday night at my place and when he'd gone yesterday morning I realised he had left some things behind.  I sent him a text offering to meet him at his homeward bound Tube station after work yesterday evening as I was going to be in the area anyway, hand over the stuff and we'd both be on our respective ways within 5 minutes.  He texted back "no thanks" and asked that I bring the stuff the next time we meet instead. 

I puzzled over it for a while (the stuff he left was the book he's half-way through reading and his favourite jumper so nothing vital but still...) but have now decided that maybe S is uncomfortable with sudden interuptions to routine, even if they are quite minor, and I should stop ambushing him (even though it's unintentional).

Thoughts?

times like these

My mother is in hospital, admitted and operated on yesterday.  I spent the day there, and it was pretty grim.  It's awful seeing her in pain and distressed and not being able to do anything about it.  My father was completely acopic so he needed looking after as well.

When I finally came home last night, I collapsed in a heap of self-pity and panic.  I'm an only child and there is just me to deal with things like this, which will only get worse as my parents grow older and more infirm.

To make it worse, all day at the hospital I missed A.  He was never really good at moral support but there's no-one to beat him at practical support in a crisis - and we had a few of those during the life-span of our relationship. And he loved my parents, particularly my mother, and she and he had quite a rapport.  A is also the only person, apart from my parents, from whom I felt able to ask for help.  I'm not very good at asking for help, preferring to muddle along on my own saying "I'm fine" rather than admit to being very far from fine indeed.  And because I'm a novice at asking for help, I made a rookie mistake.  When I got back from the hospital (early evening) I sent S a text asking if I could go round to his place for a couple of hours and offered to cook supper in exchange.  He, predictably, declined (I don't blame him, he works weekends and would have been tired, and it was quite a random request from someone he's only been dating for a couple of months).  I shouldn't have asked, I knew that as I pressed "send" but there's no way to recall a text and now I have given him the impression that I am needy and clingy.

Arggh!  Dating is hard!