TW3

The title of this post refers to an old BBC programme. Similarities end with the title.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/That_Was_The_Week_That_Was

So it's been a little bit of a hit-and-miss week. First ovulation scan on Tuesday. The pregnant doctor, after waving the Magic Libido-Vanishing Wand, said "hmm." Never a sound you want to hear.
"There is nothing to see on the left," she continued, pushing the probe over to emphasise her point. "And only a very small follicle on the right" (pulls probe over to the other side briskly). "Come back on Friday but do an ovulation test on Thursday."

Despite my misgivings (I have PCOS and seem to always test positive on an OPK, even when I was pregnant - I did a test for a laugh. I didn't get out much during the most recent first trimester), I duly PIAC and yep, tested positive. So I had to go back in for another scan on Thursday morning, it showed zero movement on follicles but the doctor decided I needed to have a blood test. And another scan on Friday. And another blood test on Friday (this time a student nurse who missed the vein twice in my right arm before the supervising nurse stepped in and did a little vein chasing in my left).

Anyway, scans seem to indicate that I am not going to ovulate this month. I have to go in for another scan tomorrow morning to confirm, but the single, non-growing follicle seems to indicate that this has been a complete waste of Clomid.

The news has affected us both in different, yet similar, ways. I have reached for chocolate in all its varied and delicious forms and been on the verge of tears every waking moment. Significant Other has, apparently (thank you for sharing, honey), been "thinking of what might have been had we not met" and yesterday chose to tell me that earlier this year he had looked up an ex-girlfriend ("we went out for a year, I had real hopes but it didn't work out") on F@ceb00k and found that she had married someone else and had a baby ("oh well, but I'm glad she's happy").

He's not a bad person, he's just sad. The past 18 or so months have been tough on both of us, but sometimes I think tougher on him because the fertility problems are mine and not his.

I just wish that he would think things through before he says them.

lists

I had the second ovulation scan this afternoon, little follicle had grown a minuscule amount since Friday. Back again tomorrow...

It's another blue day. I'm not sure why so I've decided to blame the frankly un-summery weather and to distract myself by making a list of things to do between now and the IUI. I love lists, they give me something tangible to do, and give my life structure during that brief 5 minutes between making the list and losing the list.

1. drink some wine, that lovely Blossom Hill White Zinfandel I like so much
2. have as much coffee as I like, and make sure it's the good stuff, not instant
3. have poached eggs on toast for supper one night
4. use the lavender bath oil I was given for my birthday
5. clean out the kitty litter - okay, not so much of a treat but still something I can't do while waiting to POAS...

As I've said before, it's the little things...

birthday

It was my birthday yesterday, celebrations started with leaving the house early to go to the clinic for my first ovulation scan of this cycle. A follicle, as I live and breathe! Tiny, naturally, as the day 10 scan is far too early for my messed up 40-day cycle, but a follicle nonetheless. This was followed by the joy that is having my blood taken. I have small and impish veins; just as the nurse thinks she's in, little vein decides to go for a wander a little more to the left. Nurse pursues with needle, vein double-backs, nurse and needle follow. Finally stabbed and blood extracted, little vein shows its disapproval of the process by bleeding freely for some considerable time.

We spent the rest of the day wandering around the South Bank and getting soaked. It was a nice day and I enjoyed spending some rare time with Significant Other. But the thought would keep creeping in - I was meant to have a 10-day old baby by now.