mixed emotions

Yesterday afternoon my uncle died. He was my mother's brother and also my father's best friend. He used to call me (among other, more rude, names) his "other daughter". He had a good life with not a single day sick until 3 months ago when he was diagnosed with cancer. He died peacefully at home with his family and for that I am truly grateful. But it still hurts that he's gone.
But in the midst of it all we heard that my cousin from the other side of my family gave birth to her first baby last night. She's in the maternity unit of the hospital where I work and where I was for my pregnancy with Tilly. This morning I went to see them and I was the first person other than her parents to hold this new life. Less than 12 hours old and already baby L looks like her mother, which means she looks a little like me. Baby L's father is caucasian, like A, so I really had no trouble imagining what Tilly would have been like. In fact I've had trouble stopping.
I am beyond happy for my cousin. But I am so sad that my uncle has gone and that my daughter died before I could hold her and say "I am your mummy".
Today is 15th October: