Remember my pregnant friend from my last post? Well, she got the university job which really is excellent. But now we get to have lunch once a week and I feel SO guilty about having mixed feelings about that.
And one of the new doctors is visibly pregnant, as are two of the scientists. My office is just beyond the break area so I get to hear all manner of pregnancy-related chat many times a day.
But that is not the worst of it. I have to attend a mind-numbingly dull meeting Friday lunchtimes and the only good thing about that til now was that they were held in a building which has a coffee shop on the ground floor. The venue has been changed and now I have to go to the building where I had my antenatal care. And where we discovered that our daughter was dead inside me.
This is one of those times when I wish I could start drinking in the morning...
"A Place of Greater Safety" by Hilary Mantel
18 hours ago
That totally deserves and strong shot of something in your morning coffee/tea.
ReplyDeleteOh Illanare, how horrible and difficult. I would be all over a meeting with a coffee shop in the building, but this new move sucks.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you have to deal with this. It just reminds me of how hidden and secret infertility and loss really is. It's not like you can feel like telling people so they can be kinder and more sensitive. Thinking of you and sending big hugs!
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ReplyDeleteOh, sweetie. I am so sorry. This is horrible. I do so wish you could tell them 'no. Not this building. Can't shan't won't do it. See you in the coffee shop.' I'd be tempted to tell them, me, but then I'm being sandpapered raw by Sudden Spate Of Pregnant in my own office and family. So, I am empathising to the max.
ReplyDeleteOh, dear God. How awful for your. I would be on the verge of tears every meeting if I had to do that.
ReplyDeleteI'd also be tempted to tell them that, that building is just too hard for you - I know it's a long shot but you never know, you might just get an understanding work colleague?
ReplyDeletelove ya guts honey, oh and remember you can't smell Vodka on ones breath ;-)
xxxx
That sounds horrible. Could you pack your own lunch on Fridays and avoid that place?
ReplyDeleteThats shytey. Mr Stinky's business moved premises about 10 months ago, to the same building of the Scan of Doom, place of shock and numbness. Every time I go up there, in the same lifts, in the same building . . . for the first few months anyway . . . I would remember. And then there's the preggy people in the lift, even the ones who don't look it. I know where they are going. I remember when we went there. But I don't remember leaving.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you are facing similar. preggy triggers are all around, just waiting for our 'off'-days
Oh, Illanare. I'm so sorry.
ReplyDeleteDid you meet your friend before? If so how did it go? Do you think she would understand if you told her it's just too hard to meet up regularly right now? Because it's OK to protect yourself, it really is.
And seriously, whoever organises that meeting? Tell them you can't do it there if at all possible? Or if it's not is your line manager OK to talk to, would they understand and back you up? Because even after everything I still couldn't go back to the same building. Too too hard.
I'm so sorry you're getting attacked from all angles :(