Before April 2008 I was:
slim-ish (healthy BMI of 24)
happy
confident in myself, my body, my relationship
fit and active (went to the gym three times a week)
interested and motivated
Then we lost Starchild and everything, especially I, changed. I have spent the last two and a half years:
getting progressively heavier and heavier and am now at the most I have ever weighed (BMI of 29 *gulp*)
going from being the most unhappy I have ever been to numbly dragging myself from one day to the next
unsure of everything
a couch potato
staring at either my laptop or TV in the evenings, not really taking that much in
I want to go back to at least some semblance of the woman that I was. I spent last year almost drowing in sadness, I can't, and won't, do the same this year.
"A Place of Greater Safety" by Hilary Mantel
18 hours ago
I'll make sure you don't wallow or drown in sadness this year my friend, even if that means I have to drag you out of it by your ankles with your skirt flying up over your head flashing your knickers!!
ReplyDeleteThis year, WE, will both take steps to try and discover how fabulous life can be without children [I've been told it CAN be - tho I am still not convinced!] and either time one of us sees the other wallowing, we will grab and pull :-D
*Mwah*
Much love my darling friend
~x~
((((((HUGS))))) I am with you. Let's make 2011 the year in which we rediscover who we CAN be. We will never be who we once were, but I am convinced that someone awesome still lurks beneath the surface. In your case, I am sure of it. Much love, my bloggy friend.
ReplyDeleteHugs to you. I totally agree how this year needs to be the year that we take it all back and reclaim out lives and bodies. Here to cheer you on along the way.
ReplyDeleteSending love to you.
your BMI is 29???????? wow, i would never believe that. you didn't even look a little bit overweight.
ReplyDeletetiny steps, my love. don't rush yourself. you've had a shitty few years, but you are strong (even if you don't think it yourself). and if there is ever anything i can do for your please just let me know.
love and hugs xxx
I so hear ya. I feel the same way, but I hope for all of us that we can reclaim alittle of ourselves back. Pulling for you and everyone else that 2011 will be a much better year all around. Big hugs.
ReplyDeletehad you thought about going to the doctor for some anti-depressants? They really helped me & enabled me to get back to feeling some semblance of normality. No false highs - they just helped me cope better x
ReplyDeleteIt's a hard journey, but one that you can do. And we will support you. ((hugs))
ReplyDelete*hugs*...IF hurts us in so many ways!!
ReplyDeleteI think that BMIs are overrated...
ReplyDeleteUgh, it all sounds so familiar. Sometimes anti-depressants help - I was on them for 6 months last year, I found that they just brought my baseline up to a slightly more reasonable level, to a level where I wasn't thinking about how rubbish I was all the time and could start to think normally, go to counselling and make some sense of things. They aren't a miracle cure (nothing is) but they can be a crutch.
It's a very, very hard journey.
Hugs x
(o)
ReplyDeleterecognizing you need to make a change is the first step. What is your next step?
Sending you a hug. You'll get back there, just keep looking up. And I'll be here holding your hand...
ReplyDeleteHello!
ReplyDeleteI'm new here~ glad I found you, and I thank you for being brave enough to share your story~