I know that I am on holiday in a lovely part of the world and I should really get over myself but...I'm blue. Very blue.
Significant Other is barely speaking to me and spends most of his waking time lying on the bed in our room, leaving me to pretend that everything is fine to his parents.
My tummy hurts and I have constant nausea.
I'm back in the same state as where we lost Starchild 2 years ago. And even though we are an hour away from where it all happened (Brisb@ne), every time I turn my head I seem to be back in 2008.
I know that this is pathetic but - I'm thousands of miles from home and I could really do with a hug, dear Interwebs.
Other's or Aunties' Day
8 hours ago
sending you a hug from Philadelphia!
ReplyDeletexo
I am so so sorry. It is understandable that you are feeling so awful. I'm sorry that you are dealing with this. It just isn't right. I am sending you a big hug and I am thinking about you a lot.
ReplyDeletesending you a huge hug from newcastle.
ReplyDeleteyour SO is depressed. you are depressed and you're holding it together, but goodness knows how.
i need to ask. why do you have to hide it from his parents?
i don't know what they are like, but if they care for you both, or even just for him, would it really be the worst thing in the world if you told them how bad it was? maybe it would, i'm not sure. but at least think about it?
more hugs. it must be so hard for you.
Huge internet hugs!!! I'll be thinking of you and sending lots and lots of good vibes. I hope you get some of them. I can only imagine how hard this trip is. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteOh sweetie, here's my hug! be strong, you can do this and i know it sounds almost impossible but try and enjoy the time away. Love, Fran
ReplyDeleteSending you a big hug. I really hope that things begin to pick up for you.
ReplyDeleteSending you a million hugs from Ontario and wishing things were different - wishing that you had the happiness and peace you deserve.
ReplyDeleteJust so you know, I don't think you "have to get over yourself". You have EVERY right to feel blue, homesick, and heartsick.
I'm just so, so sorry that you have reason to feel those soul crushing things.
I hope there is more joy than you could possibly fathom in your future. I really do.
Sending you warm hugs from Atlanta, Georgia where it is so hot we can barely go outside without breaking a sweat. Please cut yourself some slack. I can only imagine how bittersweet your holiday must be. I hope your S.O. steps up and shows you some support.
ReplyDeletei didn't really notice your first sentence properly until i read what msfitzita said. you don't need to get over yourself. being sad when you feel you should be happy is one of the hardest things to deal with.
ReplyDeletei can't get over SO barely speaking to you. i'm sure it's hard for him too, but couldn't he make an effort?
sending more hugs xxxx
you poor poor thing, big hugs from back here in the UK... I have to say, I agree with B - might it be an idea to consider talking to SO's parents about everything - being completely honest about what's going on, including the state of your relationship? Even if it upsets SO to start with you cant go on being so 'alone' - you need some support. Is there anyone from your family you can call to get some moral support? Or even (and this might sound drastic but perhaps its necessary for self-preservation) could you bring your flight home forward and just come back? What's the point of being out there if SO is being like that? Huge hugs, you need to put yourself first for once xxx
ReplyDeleteSending you big squishy hugs from a mere 6 or so hour plane ride away - eg the other side of the country!
ReplyDeleteNothing wrong with being depressed on holiday, unfortunately depression doesn't recognise the difference between "normal" life and "holiday" mode, so it goes where you go.
I have no doubt that SO barely speaking to you and you having to keep a false facade up to his parents is also making it hard to shake the dark cloud....
Ok I say the next part as if I was you eg what I'd do in your situation.
I'd tell SO to pull his head out of his arse, that you didn't fly to the other side of the world to be ignored, that you can't continue to act like it's all happy families when it's not and I'd also tell SO's parents that all is not well in your world.
And no you DON'T need to "get over yourself"! You're struggling right now and you actually need to start putting yourself first rather than pushing your feelings and your struggles to the sidelines in favour of everyone else.
I know you probably don't want to tackle the issue with SO head on but I think from everything you've said lately you may just need to. Grab him by the balls (not literally - unless you want to of course) and tell him that you don't deserve to be treated this way because you know what, you don't.
You deserve so much more, so much better, you deserve to be treated like a princess by someone who loves you unconditionally and not to be left hanging wondering where your relationship is headed, if anywhere.
Gee's I've written a essay but I've seen so many (too many) of my friends get treated like you are now and be miserable in the process and you all deserve so much more.
Hope I haven't offended....
Mwah
xxx
sending love and hugs and understanding.
ReplyDeleteand
If you can, I agree with the others here: talk with the parents. It is not up to you to hold the world together.
you may learn that he has always had depression. or you may find support. but in any case, fiction always SUCKS to try to maintain.
energy lost for no good reason.
I do not envy your position,
but I know parts of it well.
sending love
kate
PS: on more than one occasion, this poem really mattered to me.
ReplyDeleteThe Journey, a poem by Mary Oliver
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice--
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do--
determined to save
the only life you could save.
http://www.panhala.net/Archive/The_Journey.html
Sening you love from New York City. It is totslly understandable that you are feeling this way, you are surrounded by so many memories. Go esy on yourself.
ReplyDeleteThe SO does sound like a gargantuan asshole or extremely depressed. Is there anyone you can reach out to to help both you and your SO? Depression is a suck hole. Take care of yourself, ask for help.
ReplyDeleteBe kind to yourself, sweetie. And think about whether you really do need to cover SO's depression with his parents. The best thing for all concerned might be to come clean with it.
ReplyDeleteBut mostly, be kind to yourself. If you want to take a day away and just enjoy the beach, do it.