On Friday I had a little email exchange with the friend I mentioned in this post. She doesn't know about the IF but she knew about the first 2 miscarriages and I just told her about the most recent. She replied that she was sorry and that it was "a shame".
The words gave me pause and I read them over again - "a shame". I would have used that phrase if someone told me that they missed out on concert tickets for a band they loved, or if a cake they baked had turned out flat or if they left their unfinished book on the Tube.
Is this what it's like out there in the non-ALI world? A miscarriage is not a tragedy, a terrible loss, a cause for grieving? Is that why she was also able to say that she "knew how I am feeling"? Because in the non-ALI world, getting pregnant naturally less than a year after starting TTC is the same as having assisted reproduction for more than two years?
I don't mean to be mean-spirited about my friend, she is a lovely, kind, funny, generous woman whom I'm lucky to have in my life. But I will never be able to live in a world where a miscarriage is just "a shame".
Other's or Aunties' Day
8 hours ago
I'm glad I found your blog and thanks so much for stopping by mine and leaving a message!
ReplyDeleteI've read your story in your timeline and I am so sorry for all you have been through. I actually have stopped informing IRL friend with our bad news until I know I can deal with whatever they say without getting annoyed. A "shame" is that IRL people do not understand at all what we are going through and yet they think they do. Love, Fran