five

Tomorrow (Thur 6th Feb) will be five years since I lost my daughter Tilly.  It's been five years so, naturally, no-one else remembers.  Not my parents, not my friends and I am sure not even A.

There's no-one else I can tell, no-one else who will tell me that it is okay to still grieve except you who read this because you have also gone through similar.

I am very sad tonight.

new year

Happy New Year chaps. May 2014 bring you all health, happiness and lots of cake.

two months in one post

I am a bad blogger for leaving two months between posts, but I'm going to try to make up for it with what may become a behemoth of a post... Apologies in advance :-)

Okay, let's start with something the BFG texted to me a few weeks ago.  "Your blog is rubbish when you're happy" he said.  And I have been very, VERY happy.

S and I did the usual couple-in-love type things for the first two weeks in October: had meals out, had long comfy evenings in, endless chats on the phone on the evenings we didn't see each other and were basically nauseating.

I had the last two weeks in October off work, so S took the same fortnight off and we had a week in London being tourists in our own city.  It was brilliant, we did things that we never really take the time to do: walks on Primrose Hill, the cinema in the afternoon, one day I went to S's place and he made massive margaritas and an equally huge lunch and insisted that I did nothing but partake of both.  The second week we went to Cornwall and stayed a couple of days with my friends and the rest of the week with his sister.  That was slightly less idylic as his sister is a bit of a challenge, but it was still lovely.

A couple of weeks after coming home from Cornwall I went to America for a work conference and in the five days I was away I got one text and zero other communication from S.  He's not a big fan of the digital world so I shrugged it off.  When I came home (on a Monday), he blew off our date (planned for the Tuesday) and suggested Friday, but I was busy the rest of that week with work events so we didn't see each until the weekend after I got home.  And things were strained, but S denied that there was anything wrong.

Things lurched along until Tuesday of this week when we had a rather odd conversation.  Firstly, S announced that he was bored, then told me how much he fancies a tv actress with small breasts because "I do like small breasts" (I'm somewhat generously endowed).  And finally he admitted that he hasn't felt passionate about anyone since his last long-term partner.

And this morning he told me that he no longer fancies me and that he isn't in love with me.  So we broke up.

And now I am once again crying into a vat of hot chocolate and watching "Gilmore Girls".  This hurts so much.

bumpy

I return to blogland after a two month absence to be all whiney. I am surrounded by baby bumps.  One cousin, two friends and FIVE colleagues.
When does it stop hurting? Does it ever stop hurting?

mushy

I'm sure that this will come as a huge shock to you all (!) but I'm in love with S. I know, you didn't see that coming did you..?
He loves me too, by the way. In fact he said it first :-D
And that's enough mush for one post (*runs away blushing*)

three little words

On Saturday S said those three little words that every woman, no matter how independant, modern or cynical she is or pretends to be, wants to hear:

"I'll cook dinner"

:-)

canvas storage boxes

There is now a canvas storage box under my bed and it currently contains S's spare glasses, a book, a jumper, spare shaving gear and a clean pair of socks.  My kitchen cupboard now contains a sweetener dispenser and I make sure that I have fresh milk in the fridge.

Under S's bed is another canvas storage box (2-for-1 offer, how serendipitous) containing my spare glasses, spare contacts, spare set of migraine meds, spare phone charger and, charmingly, a couple of tampons.  His kitchen now houses a jar of raw cane sugar and ground coffee.

And I am not freaking out - get me!  :-)