30 day journal day 12: sleeping with the enemy

Something I am OCD about: the kitchen worktop. Everything has to be lined up in the right order and perfectly. L-R fruit bowl, spice rack, kettle (with spout pointing towards the door), toaster (unplugged and cord tucked neatly away), food processor (handle pointing towards the window).

Any deviation, even slight, completely messes with my day...

happiness today, hope tomorrow

A month ago the wonderful Miss Ruby gave me this award.


Here in her own words are the reasons:
infertility (and many other things in life) makes you focus on the future your desire is for a future event even if you manage to get knocked up or get a successful adoption placement it's still a future event and so we're constantly looking forward looking to the future and focussing on happiness we may achieve then but what about the now? what about what is making us happy in this moment in this very instance?

I hadn't been able to pass it along until now, because I just hadn't been feeling much happiness or hope. But both of those are slowly changing and now feels like the right time.

The rules are easy - you put that picture up on your blog and you post about one thing you're happy about right now and one thing that you are hoping for in the future. And then you pass the award along.

Right now, I am happy that I am (albeit agonisingly slowly) finally losing weight because I am eating healthier and exercising more, and feeling happier so I am eating healthier and exercising more and losing weight and...well you get the gist.

And my hope for the future? I can't believe that I am not going to write "a healthy baby" - because I have finally acknowledged that my life is never going to include that. I'm not saying I'm happy about it, but I have stopped fighting it. So my hope for the future is a happy one with A.

I would like to pass this along to:
Jen @ Life in our 40s - Ups and Downs
Betty Rubble @ The Fork (Knife and Spoon) in the Road
CGD @ Adventures in Infertility-Land

30 day journal days 10 and 11

Another blinding migraine yesterday meant that I skipped a day, so lucky interwebs you get two posts for the price of one today.

Day 10: a photo of you taken over 10 years ago.
This was taken on Christmas Day 1976, I was aged 8 and had been given that doll by my my parents. Even then I wanted a baby...


Day 11: a photo of you taken recently.
This was taken 3 months ago. I know, I'm cheating - but this is an anonymous blog :-)

30 day journal day 9: a photo I took

This was taken 10 years ago with my old 35mm and recently scanned in, so apols for the poor quality. But it represents a life-long dream realised.

30 day blog journal: day 8

I'm at home sick today, coughing up bits of lung (re-vol-ting) and I can't watch tv because A is working from home in the living room (tube strike avoidance) and I'm bored.

So, after a month's hiatus, I thought I would resume the 30-day blog journal meme which I paused abruptly after day 7.
Day 8 - a photo that makes me sad. Well, it had to be really. Ironically it is a photo taken on the happiest day of A's and my lives - the morning we found out I was pregnant with Starchild.

ah memories...

Two and a half years spent either taking meds or being pregnant made me forget what my life was really like. Today is CD182...

earthquake

My Not-In-Laws live on a farm on the outskirts of the NZ city which was hit by an earthquake less than 24 hours ago. We have been able to speak to them because they have an old-style phone and they are okay but without electrity, heat and water. There was minimal damage to their house and Not FIL says that the land seems fine. They have been given drinking water by a neighbouring farmer and have been using their bbq to cook meals but they are cold (it's winter down under).

I wish that we could just magic them here and look after them!