under pressure

Aunt Flo came a-calling today. (An American friend of mine used to call it "riding the cotton pony" which I love but have never quite had the confidence to say out loud). Apart from the usual pain and yuckiness, it's another reminder that once again my body has failed to do its womanly duty.

I'm starting to seriously worry about it now. The clocks, biological and otherwise, are ticking faster with each passing month. Either this next cyle or the one after we are going to have to start IVF. And if that fails, or if I do get pregnant but once again lose the baby, then I know that Significant Other and I will part company.

We are both longing for a child (it used to be "children" but beggars etc). The difference is that I want our child and he wants a child. And he knows that there is nothing wrong with him and he can have a proper family if he was with someone younger and whose body worked properly. Losing the second baby brought it all home to him even more than losing the first one did and he told me then that he couldn't say how long our relationship would last without children.

The next few months are, I think, going to be a bit challenging.