#Microblog Mondays: reclaiming

I need to reclaim my blog and this seems like a good way to start...
Bullet points for the past couple of months:

• I'm still grieving deeply for my beloved little cat
• S and I got back together, after a lot of long conversations and compromise
• Friends had babies, other friends are now pregnant
• I started to peer into the abyss of depression so took myself off to the doctor and am now taking anti-depressants
• But feeling hopeful that they will work soon

tea and ice cream

Thank you for your supportive comments on my last two posts.

My week has mainly been fuelled by endless cups of tea at work and falling face-first into tubs of ice cream at home. But last night I went to a concert and had a wonderful evening and today I feel much more positive about things.

I still have no idea what happened or what S was thinking, but I can either fret about it endlessly (my usual MO) or I can just accept that I may never know and move on.  I chose the latter!

Still - breaking up IS hard to do...

alone

This break up with S is the first bad sad thing I have had to face without my darling little cat to comfort me in twenty years.
I don't know how to process this.

and again

So S and I broke up again this evening. He says he's not in love with me any more, while he is still very fond of me.
We've agreed to stay friends.
Well this sucks...

Mouse

6th June 1994 - 1st May 2014.
R.I.P my darling little girl-cat xxxxx

more about my cat

I last blogged about my darling little cat (by the way, her name is Mouse), a year ago.

She is still with me, but I'm not sure for how much longer.  In the time between then and now, she's had a couple of set-backs - acute cystitis in September and then dehydration because of vomiting in January.  Today she is back at the vet with another bout of cystitis.  The vet is pretty confident that we can get her over this in 48-72 hours but her underlying kidney disease is progressing rather swiftly.  He feels that it will be no more than a matter of months before I have to let her go.  She will be 20 in June - a grand age for a cat - and she has lived a good, happy life during which she has been pretty well adored by everyone she met.

Mouse has been happy, playful, friendly, charming and comical her whole, long life and I have been there for all of it.  I know all of that in my head but my heart is breaking because it feels like I haven't had enough years with her.  There will never have been enough years with her.

April sucks.

six

Six years ago today I lost Starchild. My whole life changed direction that day and while I'm not unhappy, I think I will never stop mourning the life I lost.